He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
