His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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