We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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