Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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