'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??