On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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