How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How did I end up with the cock ring?!