They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
