Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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