The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
