He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
