I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
