so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
