I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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