I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
