am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
