Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
