Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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