I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
