Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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