The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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