So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
