her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
