I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
