i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
