They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
