2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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