You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
