OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
