i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
