Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
