there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
