Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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