On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize