Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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