ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
