hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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