ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
even my farts smell like vagina
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
