i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
