Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
