I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
