I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
