how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm too high and old for this...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
