the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i barfeds in our rink
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
