dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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