you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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