i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
