I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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