You made me cry and you don't even care
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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