Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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