i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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