I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
