Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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