Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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