Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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