sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO