I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.