We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!