I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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