you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
