You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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