By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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