ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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