I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
