Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
