She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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