I need help removing her.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
