recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
