she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
