i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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