there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
