im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
