Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
